In a marriage you need to know how to fight well! Not throwing punches and knocking someone out…but fighting for one another…fighting for common ground and goals. Fighting to be a Kingdom Couple as Dr. Tony Evans says.
So what does that look like? Well, first of all, you each have to be operating in your proper roles. Submitting in proper alignment with God’s headship will allow you to move purposefully together to fulfill God’s plan through the two of you. If your roles are out of order, then your house will be in chaos!
Think about it…every time Israel experienced trials and troubles in the Bible it was because they were out of alignment! They chose their way over God’s way…they chose to go after worldly pursuits, things that were easier in their minds than keeping the commandments of God.
When Israel got out of order God’s blessings stopped. He burned in anger against them. He was disappointed in them. He could not move on their behalf as they were no longer operating according to His will.
Yet every single time they unified and pursued God as He had been pursuing them…their circumstances did a 360. Their world turned back around.
If God can be patient with us wayward, broken, bull-headed children…shouldn’t we be patient too with one another? With this in mind let’s consider these tips on fighting well in our marriages:
1) Lay down your pride…give up being right and instead do what is right.
2) Listen more than you speak. Listen with intent on understanding NOT on responding.
3) Seek to use words that are encouraging and affirming…build up, don’t tear down.
4) Hit pause. Sometimes you have to come back to a situation; you cannot settle it in one sitting. So don’t force it!
5) PRAY! Seek God’s wisdom as you work to settle the argument.
In every interaction with your spouse, especially when there is a conflict, think about how to apply Biblical principles in seeking restoration. Don’t look at how the world would approach the situation! Worldly wisdom will lead to further discord every single time.
The world says you have to prove your point…that you have a “right” to be angry…that you are an “independent woman” and you “don’t need no man telling you what to do”. These are all dangerous vantage points to argue from!
Marriage is a sacred, binding covenant with our God. He holds it in high regard and so should we!
Our vows were serious to us the day we married, they should be even more serious to us as the years go by.
The goal is to get back on the same page…to walk in unity together. Oneness of purpose. When you seek to come back together as one, you won’t allow others to speak negativity into your situation.
You will keep your eyes focused on the one who is over it all. That is how you overcome adversity in anything…especially in marriage!
Listed below are some helpful resources. I do not earn any money from these sources, just wanted to provide you with a starting point if you are seeking help for your marriage in any way.Kingdom Marriage by Dr. Tony Evans