The life of a modern wife is not always an easy one. Sure, modern conveniences and a good support community can help, but behind closed doors, what is really going on?
I am more than blessed to be married to the love of my life, my very best friend, the only man I have ever known. We started dating when I was just 16, he was 17…dated for 6 years and have now been married almost 15. December 12, 1998…the day that I said forever to Jonathan Ray Black.
Marriages on the rocks
I have experienced so many friends and family members whose happily ever afters imploded. Disintegrated from happiness to misery before their very eyes. Eyes full of love for another became eyes filled with disgust, despair, sadness and sometimes hate.
Years of building up a relationship can be lost in a moment of selfishness. Poor choices may be a one time event. Or perhaps they are patterns of bad behavior such as overspending, lying, alcoholism or pornography.**
Yet sometimes that downward spiral is slow. A breakdown of expectations that were set too high. Failing to take time to date and connect when life gets busy. Mindsets that will not yield to compromise or change.
I challenge you to evaluate your relationship with your husband. Are you expecting too much? Are they?
Are you communicating your hurt, your fears and your regrets in a way that brings about positive change or are you just yelling and screaming without listening to one another? If you feel you are on the way out, do you love that person enough to want to stay in?
Commit yourselves before the Lord to begin by really listening to each others heart and being willing to admit faults in your own. Commit yourselves again to those vows you spoke on your wedding day. That was a sacred vow spoken before an Almighty God. That is not something to be taken lightly.
God can restore
Wives, if this poem resonates with you, please pray. Not just that your husband would change. Pray for change in yourself.
What do you need to do differently to be the wife he needs you to be? What do you need to do differently to be the woman God made you to be?
Be open to hear what God says to you in your time with Him. Don’t count the change as too hard. The cause as lost. God can and will restore if there be anything broken in you or your marriage.
For those of you who are hurting, who are torn between commitment and fleeing the scene of the crime. May your marriages be blessed through re-commitment to the only one who can heal it…God.
I do the laundry, I clean, I cook
Yet all I get sometimes are dirty looks
Don’t ask for much yet told I’m a nag,
Treated like I’m ugly as a hag.
No kisses given, just a token lip touch,
No tenderness or affection that I crave so much.
Would be so easy to just hold hands,
Sometimes I feel I don’t know this man.
I may not be all he envisioned or dreamed
But am I really as awful as he makes it seem?
I don’t feel pretty anymore, not even cute,
To bring any of this to his attention would be moot.
I’ve never claimed to be perfect, yet neither is he
I love him and just wish he’d open his eyes to see
The pain and hurt I feel isn’t pretend,
No longer my lover or confidant, barely my friend.
We live in this house together, but apart
Closely confined in space, far apart in heart.
Will it ever change or is this what marriage is to be?
I only desired to be loved, to be accepted for me.
**If you are in a situation where there is a danger of physical harm, please contact appropriate authorities and get yourself and your children to safety.